To prevent serious injury or death from falls and being strangled by restraint system: Always use the restraint system.

The restraint system may strangle my child, so be sure to use it. Check. And just a note to Fisher Price: It's probably not wise to mention the possibility of your customer's death at the hands of your product. Not very reassuring to first time parents.

Place your child in the seat. Position the crotch belt between your child's legs.

Crotch belt? Seriously. And you thought I made that up.

Check to be sure the restraint system is securely attached by pulling it away from your child. The restraint system should remain attached.

Remember, this is the same restraint system that wants to strangle your child. So be sure to use it.

Hint: As with most battery-powered swings, a heavier child will reduce the amount of swinging motion on all settings. In most cases, the low setting works best for a smaller child while the high setting works best for a larger child.

Needs more power for fat kids. Check.

If swinging stops while using a lower setting, try a higher setting.

My kid is fat. Thanks.

Note: Changes or modifications not expressively approved by the manufacturer responsible for compliance could void the user's authority to operate the equipment.

So I can't pimp my baby swing. But if I do, Fisher Price needs to give expressive approval, like nodding your head while dancing or making a funny face. Expressive enough for you? And let's not talk about the possibility of me losing my baby swing authority. That's a scary thought.