..Movie Reviews..

I love Star Wars as much as the next geek, but I just can't enjoy this movie. I simply endure it as part of the Star Wars universe, full of many joyous things Star Wars, but no where near the caliber of the originals (Warning: Spoilers ahead).

The plot is lame. The politics and the Trade Federation set up are weak. It just doesn't have the impact of the Empire vs. the ragtag rebellion. The movie plays like a video game, one minor crisis to the next with little challenge. There's the whole pod race in the middle where they bet their fortunes on a 10-year-old driver who has never finished a race. Hollywood's never been able to dramatize a race very well (think Days of Thunder), and this is no different. When we finally get to the thrilling climax it's a minor planetary skirmish, nothing galactic about it. What was Lucas thinking?

The strength of the first trilogy was in the characters that you came to love. This time around we have Obi Wan, but he's relegated to a lesser role and instead we follow the gentle yet stoic Qui Gon Jinn. R2-D2 and C-3PO are introduced in this film (and to each other for the first time), yet the comic relief role is given to Jar Jar Binks (sigh). He's stupid, he's clumsy, and he talks with an oddball pigeon-English accent. Enough hatred has rightly been poured on Jar Jar, so I won't bother with much more.

The 10-year-old Anakin Skywalker has to be the second most-hated character in this flick, a tool to show us that at one time Darth Vader was pure and innocent, but his 'oh boy' giddiness is just too much. It also feels like a tool to make the movie popular among 10-year-old boys.

The film's big baddie, Darth Maul, rivals Darth Vader in frightening looks. But he's given only three lines in the entire film and never becomes more than menacing. When he's killed off in the end no one really cares. Every film needs a slew of stock baddies to kill off, and since Stormtroopers haven't been cloned yet, we get these goofy and fragile droids as light saber fodder. At least the stormtroopers were a little threatening. The toothpick droids are hardly menacing at all.

It seems the movie is missing its Han Solo, which really underscores the difference. You can't recreate the originals, which means anything less is going to come up short.

The dialogue, something Lucas was never good at to begin with, is stiff and rigid. He never quite reaches the humorous banter of the original.

Lucas finally embarked on the prequels because digital technology caught up with his imagination. Unfortunately, he relies on it way too much. Everything feels digital and fake, with hardly anything of the realism achieved more than 20 years earlier in the original thanks to models.

I was happy to see Phantom Menace when it came out, but seeing it once is more than enough. It's a disappointing addition to the Star Wars universe. What was Lucas thinking?